I have "walked around the perimeters of my emotional room" today as I processed my emotional reactions of where I stand.
In the beginning I was hurt, emotional, and felt like giving up. I was trying to do what I could to make sure the progress in the classroom was lightened, focusing on the students and mentor teacher's duties. I would end up staying up at all hours of the night frantically trying to finish things at the last minute. Then when I do not get an acceptable grade I feel like crying.
My focus was not on the finish line, race, or children - the reasons why I chose to enter the internship.
The focus was on the paper before me.
It took a long time to come to the realization that if I step back and see the rules of the game, expectations and my performance it IS fair. I went as far as to write "You need to do it now. focus." on a post it.
It does not matter that my kids returned home. That is temporary.
It does not matter that my computer has crashed on me. That is not the only one available.
It does not matter that there are many details - I was told to be specific.
Just do it.
I had to remind myself that the instructors have the best interest of the children at heart.
I had to remind myself that I was provided ample time to do my assignments.
I had to remind myself that I am not alone in my struggles.
I am praying that my resolve will tide me to the end.
I have witnessed all these reactions in the classroom - I now know exactly how they feel.
I need to persevere to show them - no matter the obstacle, one must go on. My sleeves are pulled up.
Keep me in your prayers
