I can say "I was there!"

Newtok is going to be in the news again and I can say "I was there!" It was amazing to witness first-hand the power of the wind and weather. Although, I would not say the weather is what was impressing me during my long-term substitute teaching position here at Newtok, Alaska. My greatest impression has been with the people. I thank the staff of Newtok Ayaprun School for welcoming me into their team. I have been substituting for a teacher since October 1st. I have already been to one Christmas party, a movie night... Looking at the size of this community and the school I keep thinking: Gosh... This looks just the size of Russian Mission when I was in Elementary School. Lots of memories. I keep telling the kids... "You don't know it but you are in a very historical place. You are one of the last people that can say 'I went to school in Newtok.'" I would look out into the village and remember my Grandfather showing me places in Ohogamiut. He would look over the remains of the village remembering where things used to be. Each time I walk down the boardwalk or look around the village here in Newtok I find myself wondering if my Grandfather felt the same sense of nostalgia when he realized that the village will soon be empty if he stood thinking, "in a few years there will be nothing here." I often wonder if that was the reason my family returned to Ohogamiut for summer fishing - because of the family we left buried there. The feeling of community and people resonating through time - felt even only grass remained where houses once stood, where roads intersected. For this little while at least I can say, "I was in Newtok when all those houses were there..."

Has blogging gone to the wayside?

Its been such a long time since I even considered blogging that when I decided to try this again I could not find where to begin due to changes in format. I checked to see updates and noticed that no one else had anything written for ages. Has it become a thing of the past?

My mind is too busy - Midnight thoughts

You ever see the time and say "Darn! already? I need to get to bed PRONTO! Maybe if I read this book (required reading for class) I will get so sleepy that going to sleep will be a breeze," only to have the exact opposite happen? Really? It never happened to you ever?? You are so LYING! lol
My book is Place and Community-Based Education in Schools by Gregory A. Smith and David Sobel.
Russian Mission has a great community based or place based system they have used for years so I thought I would say "oh yeah, I know..." and I admit I scanned some parts that seemed too... what is the word.... lets just leave it at "I skimmed over a few paragraphs" then got to underlining a few phrases. Then got to thinking over a few statements. Imagining the responses to some of the things I would have liked to say..... then I realized I was making myself all the more awake with all this thinking.
So I turned off the lights and kept thinking..tossed. Thought. Tossed. Thought.
I got so tired I decided this can become something worth talking over with some people.

So here goes:
My thinking process accelerated with the sentence "it is important to acknowledge that public education has from the beginning been more concerned about diminishing community ties than strengthening them." (31 Smith, Sobel) Instant flashback in fast-forward of the stories of boarding schools, punishments for speaking languages other than English... a kaleidoscope of comments about what kids are doing wrong in school, how they just 'don't care' about their education... the root of our problem with school today from low scores to low attendance.

Solution? Teachers - put your pride in your pocket and really see your students as children - human beings - feelings - emotions..... and expectations from others other than the school. No assumptions needed, wanted or otherwise. Learn more about the communities you are joining. (let me say that again - the community you are joining as a member) and let it not be only what they need to do for you.

I know. I opened a can of worms. Before all the snide remarks come flying let me ask. 1. Who actually knows the history of the community from a community member's viewpoint? I will take myself as an example. I can thank my teachers in elementary and high school for allowing elders into our classroom to tell us about starvation, famine, illnesses, family kinship ties and traditions and how that affected how the elders saw life and the importance of doing what is right as opposed to what is easy to do. That those factors instilled a sense of community such that when one member is lost the pain reverberates to the whole community. That grief is not something dealt in a day - so we take more than one day away to help console each other to deal with the loss. That is why the namesakes of the loved one is so closely tied to the family who has lost a loved one.

Even as we teach and even as the children are attending school they are a part of a larger world which in a lot of cases the teachers refuse to "see" they look, they judge, they critique... rarely do they live as a member of the community. Yet, they occupy such a large part of someone's child's day.

Happy New Year

Happy New Year!
I am back in Bethel after a short visit (freezing visit) to Russian Mission. On average it was -45 below. My son came back with me only to say he misses home. He left to his sisters this evening. I returned before our Russian Orthodox Christmas on January 7th and due to illness I pretty much missed the celebrations in Bethel.

School was due to start on the 9th, and it has been canceled this week due to frozen pipes. Yes it is that cold here.

My daughter Maxine got engaged over Christmas break. I do believe she is planning on a June wedding. She ALMOST tried February which would be not good. June is better. much. much. MUCH better.

I am taking deep breaths and getting my binders and ideas on paper/computer.

Ready

set

WAIT!!! (okay we cannot wait much longer... go ahead)

Here we go.... the first steps of 5 months of being bent into a formalized, certified...teacher.

Let it be official!

(wish me luck!!!)

Characteristics I see in my students are mirrored in my work

I have "walked around the perimeters of my emotional room" today as I processed my emotional reactions of where I stand.
In the beginning I was hurt, emotional, and felt like giving up. I was trying to do what I could to make sure the progress in the classroom was lightened, focusing on the students and mentor teacher's duties. I would end up staying up at all hours of the night frantically trying to finish things at the last minute. Then when I do not get an acceptable grade I feel like crying.
My focus was not on the finish line, race, or children - the reasons why I chose to enter the internship.
The focus was on the paper before me.

It took a long time to come to the realization that if I step back and see the rules of the game, expectations and my performance it IS fair. I went as far as to write "You need to do it now. focus." on a post it.
It does not matter that my kids returned home. That is temporary.
It does not matter that my computer has crashed on me. That is not the only one available.
It does not matter that there are many details - I was told to be specific.
Just do it.
I had to remind myself that the instructors have the best interest of the children at heart.
I had to remind myself that I was provided ample time to do my assignments.
I had to remind myself that I am not alone in my struggles.

I am praying that my resolve will tide me to the end.

I have witnessed all these reactions in the classroom - I now know exactly how they feel.

I need to persevere to show them - no matter the obstacle, one must go on. My sleeves are pulled up.
Keep me in your prayers

My clock is on steroids!

I used to think the time flew by fast earlier this summer but during school hours the time is seriously on overdrive! Yesterday after the students were dismissed for the day I sat in the classroom and thought to myself, "How can we as teachers cram all the knowledge we can into we weeks provided and still believe the kids 'get it?'" I look back and already three and a half weeks are gone. Wow. I think of all the things we did with the students so far, all the assignments I need to do and I am amazed at how it seems I went three whole weeks going from morning to night trying to get things done, knowing my time was short. Little did I know how short it was! Back to the grinding stone.

Getting to the nitty gritty of homework

One of the realities of internship is the amount of initial homework one has. These assignments would be easy at home because I knew the inner workings of our school. I had worked at the data organization "department" for statistical data, administered the migrant ed paperwork, etc. During my first weeks at the Bethel school I focused on the new curriculum, the size of the school, the size of the population (you can put the population of my whole village in the school and have room to spare!!!!) Then the first assignment comes in and it asks for the statistical data, find the responsibilities of the school staff...

Well... I looked at the assignment and said okay...now that school has begun and my focus is with the kids in my class, and I have to be in the classroom during the times I am "In School" I need to find time to interview staff. If they were to ask me about the students in particular ( and I have a class assignment asking this) I can answer which students "got it," which students don't, and which students need serious help.

If I had this assignment given to me in the days of inservice I would have the time, and the staff would have the time also, to sit down and answer basic questions of introduction. Instead the orientation for mentors and interns occurred the evening before the first day of school for the students. We did not get the syllabi for the classes at this orientation, but each was available the night before the first day of each class. Suffice it to say I was a bit overwhelmed. I have this glitch in my system that I tend to feel overwhelmed until i get everything organized and see the big picture of what I need to do, how much time each assignment may take, and find a time pattern of duties before I get too far into an assignment. I finally got that done this week. Mainly because my last "first day of class" was on Friday. I got binders together and tabbed the reading for at least three segments, organized the files on the computer and I should be good to go. Wish me luck and please keep me in your prayers!!!