its been a very shocking week for me - not what one expects any time of the year but that is life. Today we buried my mother's first cousin Martha Gregory, who died in an alcohol related death very suddenly. While we were at the burial site we heard that Martha's sister-in-law was very sick and was about to be medivaced in to Bethel for a reason yet unknown to us. Tomorrow we will bury my mother's uncle Nick (Nickoliaq) Askoak, an elder who passed away after suffering a long term sickness. That it is finals week was not a very good addition to these events. Such is life as I know it - full of the unexpected, the expected and the usual obligations of our daily lives. I wanted to say thank you to all of you for the time and effort you put in everything you do. This week has reminded me how important it is to express our gratitude to others while we are able to...
Thank you everyone and Merry Christmas! I am glad I met you all and hope to see you again someday soon.
God Bless you!
Nastasia
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Monday, December 10, 2007
Russian Mission ASAA Mixed Six Volleyball Champions!!
The Russian Mission Volleyball team ended a perfect year winning the ASAA Mixed-Six Volleyball championship game against New Halen. This is the third year the Russian Mission team made it to the state tournament and the first time winning a championship title! We are very proud of them! Kenneth Vaska and Nadia Duffy earning all-star recognition.
Saturday, December 8, 2007
Russian Mission Volleyball team 2 - 0 in Tournament
Our Team in Anchorage is doing very well - they got a spot in the news last night! My daughter's cousin Kenny Vaska and the others had us cheering and clapping in our living room. The internet made watching a bit blotchy and had us on edge for a few minutes throughout the games. The community has the opportunity to view the games at the gym. This is the third year in a row Russian Mission made it to State! Woo Hoo! All but one of our teachers went to provide additional support for our team.
I just had to mention also about the blog before this - clear up some confusion my shock and cauldron of emotion caused when I was writing. Such a provocative statement to say "a certain criteria of rightness." What I was trying to express was that society in general has a common rigidity of standards that for the most part we strive to live up to. Some are very fortunate to live up to those expectations, but some do not. The stigma that is superimposed as a consequence of not adhering to the standard of living can cause much distress and heartache for many of our youth. The good intentions of these standards are honorable, and such standards are needed as a visual of social "order" to some extent. Growing up, the standard was to live doing what was best for another - as a female member of our society in the Yup'ik tradition I was groomed to be a caregiver: help with chores, learn to provide childcare, learn to cook, attend to elder's needs... but at the same time I was groomed to try to find a career. My standards were very high... My time was at the mixed up time where the standards between Yup'ik tradition and western tradition mixed in the villages. Before the teenage years where this mixture was happening was in boarding schools outside the village. In a large part I believe this is what caused many suicides in times before, because both societies demand such rigid standards on their youth. Needed, but with such a long fall when we slide. Unlike nature where there is only one way a species lives, us humans have a kaleidoscope of living conditions. All I was trying to convey was that in my life I have learned that all I can do is try to live the best way I can and provide what love I have for all those God has given me to love, and deal with what life has given me to live with as best as I can, despite our conditions compared to societies high standards of living.
I just had to mention also about the blog before this - clear up some confusion my shock and cauldron of emotion caused when I was writing. Such a provocative statement to say "a certain criteria of rightness." What I was trying to express was that society in general has a common rigidity of standards that for the most part we strive to live up to. Some are very fortunate to live up to those expectations, but some do not. The stigma that is superimposed as a consequence of not adhering to the standard of living can cause much distress and heartache for many of our youth. The good intentions of these standards are honorable, and such standards are needed as a visual of social "order" to some extent. Growing up, the standard was to live doing what was best for another - as a female member of our society in the Yup'ik tradition I was groomed to be a caregiver: help with chores, learn to provide childcare, learn to cook, attend to elder's needs... but at the same time I was groomed to try to find a career. My standards were very high... My time was at the mixed up time where the standards between Yup'ik tradition and western tradition mixed in the villages. Before the teenage years where this mixture was happening was in boarding schools outside the village. In a large part I believe this is what caused many suicides in times before, because both societies demand such rigid standards on their youth. Needed, but with such a long fall when we slide. Unlike nature where there is only one way a species lives, us humans have a kaleidoscope of living conditions. All I was trying to convey was that in my life I have learned that all I can do is try to live the best way I can and provide what love I have for all those God has given me to love, and deal with what life has given me to live with as best as I can, despite our conditions compared to societies high standards of living.
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
Trying to find the balance of values and caring
In these last couple of days I have had a major metamorphosis in my personal identity that had me wondering. I went from a single mother of teenage girls who is trying to improve the home conditions and work conditions by earning a teaching degree, to a possible mother of an upcoming baby from a younger sister, and as of yesterday a confirmed grandmother-to-be! Talk about a major "whoa" moment. This made me think of the question of why we think of people, others and ourselves included, a certain way and the more important question WHY do we make the opinions we make based on certain criteria. Confusing? SO TOTALLY confusing!
I looked to myself and my feelings and the changes in my self identity. Okay, first came the shock that what I believed myself to be and where I knew I was heading toward took a serious turn, but to where? How much of what happened was due to my choices away from home? within the home? I gave myself some slack knowing I could never be spread so thinly in either and consider myself doing my job as mother or worker.
Now the other reality was the fact that my daughter was too afraid to tell me until the day before yesterday and her last known period was August 25th. How could I be angry when I was too unnerved at the thought that my child was afraid of me? Given, for a damn good reason, but still the thought of my daughter going into her fourth month of pregnancy without medical care because she is afraid of what I will say to her? I love my children, I try to do whatever I can to make their lives as comfortable as I can because in reality they don't have many of the advantages of living in a mom&pop family. This does not mean they are disadvantaged because we have a great big extended loving and caring family. My thoughts of the baby? I had to have hysterectomy at the age of 33. I love babies. I love my children. I love my nieces and nephews. I love the kids I get to know throughout my life. I heard the heartbeat of the baby about 5 minutes after it was confirmed that my baby was pregnant. I was in awe that a new life was nestled inside there given to us to love. Does the fact that she is so young change that fact? Will I love it less? No. I believe all life is a blessing. So what does that make me? Can we demand of life certain criteria of "rightness"? From my own life I know I cannot. Now what?
I spent yesterday morning calling my mother, my ex-husbands parents, my grandmother, my younger sister and brothers, telling my aunts and all my other family and friends while still in a semi-state of shock. I wanted to be the one to tell them, showing my trust in their support and knowing that this was the new reality in our lives, just as the reality was before that we could not live with my ex. One thing is for certain our new baby...or babies will have a lot of love surrounding them and that is all the reality I can handle right now. I just need to get comfortable to the name grandma...as I grow I am learning that numbers and names are not as old as they seemed as a youngster. 30 wasn't that old and neither is grandma. There is still a lot of love to live out there, and a lot of new things to learn!
I looked to myself and my feelings and the changes in my self identity. Okay, first came the shock that what I believed myself to be and where I knew I was heading toward took a serious turn, but to where? How much of what happened was due to my choices away from home? within the home? I gave myself some slack knowing I could never be spread so thinly in either and consider myself doing my job as mother or worker.
Now the other reality was the fact that my daughter was too afraid to tell me until the day before yesterday and her last known period was August 25th. How could I be angry when I was too unnerved at the thought that my child was afraid of me? Given, for a damn good reason, but still the thought of my daughter going into her fourth month of pregnancy without medical care because she is afraid of what I will say to her? I love my children, I try to do whatever I can to make their lives as comfortable as I can because in reality they don't have many of the advantages of living in a mom&pop family. This does not mean they are disadvantaged because we have a great big extended loving and caring family. My thoughts of the baby? I had to have hysterectomy at the age of 33. I love babies. I love my children. I love my nieces and nephews. I love the kids I get to know throughout my life. I heard the heartbeat of the baby about 5 minutes after it was confirmed that my baby was pregnant. I was in awe that a new life was nestled inside there given to us to love. Does the fact that she is so young change that fact? Will I love it less? No. I believe all life is a blessing. So what does that make me? Can we demand of life certain criteria of "rightness"? From my own life I know I cannot. Now what?
I spent yesterday morning calling my mother, my ex-husbands parents, my grandmother, my younger sister and brothers, telling my aunts and all my other family and friends while still in a semi-state of shock. I wanted to be the one to tell them, showing my trust in their support and knowing that this was the new reality in our lives, just as the reality was before that we could not live with my ex. One thing is for certain our new baby...or babies will have a lot of love surrounding them and that is all the reality I can handle right now. I just need to get comfortable to the name grandma...as I grow I am learning that numbers and names are not as old as they seemed as a youngster. 30 wasn't that old and neither is grandma. There is still a lot of love to live out there, and a lot of new things to learn!
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