Maybe it was the news of fires and drought in California and Georgia, maybe it was the weird weather we are having, or the repeated drunkiness of my neighbor's son and his peers...maybe my being tired to the point that all assignments just could not progress... whereever it came from I began to look back. Not in terms of the usual "ok this is done, that is done, I need to check on this." but more like ... reflection on changes of how things got to be the way they are now, remembering my childhood and with it a nostalgic kalidiscope of loved ones who have passed away doing the things I remember them most doing, their visions floating and blending together in a strange dance. My grandpa sitting quietly in church in bench at "his corner," the old man who called me his sister because I was named after her always smiling holding his cane..many memories of childhood ... knowing that for the most part I was protected and cared for. I began to wonder how the memories of my children and the rest of the younger generation will be.
Sometimes I wonder why I get these moods - I cry for no apparent reason, sad and worried - like I am waiting to hear some tragic news. Sometimes I am a little afraid because when accompanied by little squabbles and bouts of negativeness around me that kinda pile together in my life, each seeming more profound than it should be it usually is not a good "sign." Usually not long after I get this sudden sadness I hear of someone else passing away. An elder said in those times a prayer is needed somewhere only one never knows for who or why, so pray. Pray for everyone and everything because although I may not know the who, why or what - God will. I pray that all those I know are in God's protection. God be with you.
2 comments:
Hi Nas,
I often remember and wonder about similar things. It's funny too I've experienced some "wavy" emotions and also expect to hear bad news, it's wierd.
And I also agree that prayer changes things. After I read your blog from a week ago, I said a prayer for you because I've also experienced those times of frustration of what I want to do and family expectations.
All in all, it passes and we move on. I often look back and remember how much hard time I experienced during a certain time, but thank God I made it through. Although it seemed impossible to go through at the time I'm experiencing it, it eventually passes. So with that, I hope you keep your head up even those times come because they too will pass. Take Care
Thanks for the prayer Darlene - I know it helped. I feel much better knowing now than I did the other day. My sister is back and things are calming down. My uncle says that he too has some feelings such as I do once in a while. Usually attending services really calms me and puts things into perspective - lately I have not been able to make it. I hope to soon.
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