Merry Christmas!!!!!!!!!

MyHotComments Merry Christmas and a happy and healthy New Year!!

Isn't she the most adorable Christmas baby!! I just had to show you all my granddaughter's picture in her Christmas outfit. She really is my precious one! Beautiful One! Just so cuter, cuter CUTER!!!

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!!

My Christmas Spirit was in low supply when out of the blue my Godchild Alyssa and my nephew Jayden, who calls me mom, asked to camp for the night and insisted that we put up my Christmas tree. I was not in the mood but after a couple minutes I gave in and helped put the tree together and put the lights and the garland Jayden chose. They took care of the rest. What a blessing they are!! Seeing the lights and the decorations brightened my mood. After that was done they commenced to ask when the cookies we make each year will be made. We made a batch yesterday and more will be made today after school. With all the negative things happening it was hard to notice the positive. The boiler is down again after finally being fixed last month, the washer is leaking, my neighbors are drinking more frequently than usual with their fighting and crying, and I was not able to work much - you get the picture. Suffice it to say that whenever things get dismal my children add a spark of childhood pleasure that fades the negativity away. I hope you and yours do the same for you. Wishing you all the best in this Holiday season!

Our last berrypicking outting

I love my babies but once in a while I need a break. So one Saturday in October even with snow on the mountains I went berry picking for low bush cranberries downriver with my aunt Axinia Takumjenak, uncle Willie Takumjenak, my mom's first cousin Okalena Polty and my dad's cousin Joe Klukluk. It was not as cold as we thought it was going to be but there was snow on the ground. I was wanting to post this earlier but kept getting interrupted.

Mr. and Mrs. Stephanoff, Sponcers and Father Peter Askoar

I just got my internet back online but don't have much time to actually be online. I did want to post one picture of my beautiful daughter Charitina and her new husband Pete, Father Peter Askoar who officiated the ceremony and Mr. and Mrs. Fred Jr. and Patricia Tinker who held their crowns and were the two official witnesses. In our tradition they became the new parents, guides to marriage life and counselors along with us parents. I will post more pictures once I actually have the time.

My Daughter is getting married

My daughter Charitina is getting married this Sunday. The family is all together and things are getting hectic. My aunt forgot my name, my cousin said "I am putting the fish in the chicken." I have been running around in circles and sometimes find that I tell someone half a sentence and walk away to finish something I started but didn't finish. Crazy fun times! My mother and her sister's are together again - the brother's are not all here. Memories of those that passed on makes some moments bittersweet but that just brings us closer together.

Oh how I wish you could have seen those raspberries!

mm-MM! I have not seen such a sight since childhood! Ruby red raspberries glistening between green grass with the evening sunshine beaming between the trees. How I wished for a camera! They were perfectly ripe and some were so big the branches were drooping from the weight of the fruit. My aunt, sister and I needed a break from our various duties within the village but my sister was the health aide on call so she was not allowed to stray from the village. One of the drawbacks of being a health aide. I have been substituting as the manager of the corporation store as my aunt takes some of her annual leave. I used to be the manager of the store some years back but the hours are long, duties are numerous and the pay is cheap. I work more to ease my aunt's burden (she is now the manager of the store) than to get the $10.00 per hour wages. Shucks, I have digressed from the topic of those beautifully delicious berries. My bad. With my daughter's wedding only a week away I have been juggling my finances, time, energy, focus and sanity to the point that the moments of tranquility in nature is much too precious not to enjoy to the fullest. The only bugging part of the evening was the bugs. If someone could invent a way to go picking berries without getting picked on by bugs until one wants to rub repellant constantly all over oneself that person would be a millionaire in Rural Alaska. The gnats and no-see-ums were worst around the juiciest and biggest berries. Three times my aunt said "I have had enough" before we actually came out of the woods and back onto the beach.

My Granddaughter's Baptism

A complication of contemporary names and baptism is matching names. My grandchild's name is Jordan Skyler - Jordan is listed in the baptismal names as a masculine saint's name. Skyler is not listed at all. This was the Priest's first baptism and to end the confusion he asked us to pick a feminine name to christian Jordan. We ended up choosing Elizabeth to honor her paternal great-grandmother. Elizabeth is also the baptismal name for my daughter Maxine Elizabeth, her mother. She was born on my aunt's 30th anniversary so we asked her to be the Godmother. This issue of names matching the birth record and sex of the saint whose name is a long and ongoing argument. I am glad I am in no position to make official opinions on the subject!

The Heat is ON!! but I wonder if there will be blueberries?

Oh what a wonderful Sunday afternoon I had! The sun was out and it was actually warm and I spent the afternoon with my grandmother, my aunts and their families and my son out enjoying nature. The river was calm, the geese were flying in flocks, the bugs were not many... mmm ... what a blessing! The only sad part was that again there was no blueberries. The second area close to home and the tundra was so dry. I brought my baby with me - he was so HEAVY :D. But I found a way to carry him on my back using my kuspuk, taking cue from those old pictures of native women carrying their babies on their backs. My cousin and I were trying to figure things out and Nicholas was laughing as though he was getting a kick at our expense. When I finally got him where I was semi-certain he would not be dropping out behind me I tried to bend down to see how he would take it and he giggled in my ear every time. Missy took pictures I hope I get to post here. An afternoon to treasure also in that we got to take my grandmother out to her allotment adjacent to her departed sister's allotment where they had spent many happy years picking berries. She hardly gets to go out anymore like she used to. We had a picnic supper at the beach watching flocks of geese fly above the river, feeling the warmth - warmth of the sun for once since the three days in June we had a hot afternoon.... I can return to the windowless store tomorrow with a renewed spirit and a sunburnt nose.

Berries are late this year...such a cold summer

One of my annual stress relievers is spending the day outside picking berries. There is something about being surrounded with nature that drains away my tension. A lady here said that her family went out and looked around but didn't see any ripe fruit at all...sad. It has been so cold... hopefully soon...

My Grandfather Peter

The people pictured here with my grandfather are only a small fraction of our family...

My grandfather is a very quiet man whose eyesight nowadays reminds me of Mr. Magoo. Once he realizes who he is seeing his memory oftentimes astounds me. He has been sharing information with us for as long as I can remember about the places and people of our region. When his health started declining he told me how his mom died when he was around two due to the flu epidemic. He would look down and put his hand in a sweeping motion in front of him and say, "I can still see it when they put her in the mud. My auntie Qiatguq- the first Qiatguq behind me, and behind her my other three aunties." He said that his aunt that took him in died shortly after his mom, then he was adopted by the couple he calls his parents - Peter and Nastasia Nick. I once asked him what was his mom's name, he did not recall only knowing her as mom. His biological father was not in the picture, being a Caucasian miner by the name of George Fredricks who later moved to Sleetmute. By the time he was a teenager both his adoptive parents died and he lived with his uncle and cousins. One of my dreams is to have some kind of documentary of his stories. I have some written notes and had one video but they are only a small peek into the treasure of stories he can tell us.

Happy 90th Birthday Ap'a Peter "Papasneak" Nick

My grandfather celebrated his 90th birthday on July 4, 2008. We were in Bethel for a check up at the hospital and missed our plane ride home on the 3rd but have a lot of family here. I spent the day with my son, my grandpa and my brother Herman cooking while the others checked out the parade and activities in Pinkys Park. Its been a long but greatly appreciated day. I was going to post a picture of us but I can't get it uploaded on this old computer. There were two things my Ap'a prayed for as a child who lost his mother to the big flu along with others (which he still remembers): he prayed for a long life and to have a big family - not to be alone all his life. His prayers have been answered!! He has 3 children, 15 grandchildren, over 20 great-grandchildren and one great-great-granddaughter!!!! We have been blessed to have him with us all these years - he is a great role model and we cannot express our gratitude to grow up so closely with him at our side.

Didn't make it to Fairbanks for a class needed for internship...

Well I don't know if it is prophetic, pragmatic, or just pathetic but there were a lot of things that detained me from reaching Fairbanks for a retake of ED 410. For one thing, Hagelands - FRONTIER ALASKA I should say did not have me listed to Bethel. Then I did not have a ticket for Bethel to Anchorage to get to the Anchorage to Fairbanks part of my trip. It was probably a good thing because I had a bad case of the flu Saturday and Sunday. So right now I am wondering what is next...

If I listen to Karma all signs are saying that for now it was just not meant to be. If I be practical, looking at my personal situations family-wise I would say I need to be here for my family for a while and help them out with fishing and preparing for my daughter's wedding (Charitina, on August 31st). Also my grandfather will be turning 90 on the 4th of July and people are expecting a big celebration - I was so bummed that I would miss it. Financially I need to get some work to help with the bills. I usually work at the store every summer since I used to work at the store as a manager starting in 1996. My grandchild got medivac'd on Thursday evening but is doing much better after spending the past two days admitted at the hospital. I have been trying to help my grandmother with her fish harvesting whenever the fishing opens. Its been kinda tough since Nicholas has asthma and cannot stay at camp. I love cutting fish, being at the camp - just hate the smell on us once we get home :)). My mother told me that there is talk of a lot of berries on the Kuskokwim area. Oh what I would do to go on a berry picking camping trip with my family!!!

Oh well - we will see what those who arranged the travel say tomorrow, but I don't know what I am going to do. I feel like everything is bumping into me saying "Hold it!!! Slow down!! Be watchful! Get ready for something - be with your family right now!!!" I just hope it is nothing prophetic because my grandparents have not been feeling very well lately... It is in God's hands where I go from here. If I am meant to be in Fairbanks I will make it up, if not - I must be needed more at home.

Unwinding before life tumbles me hither and yon again

Back from escorting my grandpa to Anchorage for preventative screening. This trip was LONG and basically unproductive - They did an ultrasound on his corroded artery and scheduled a review the next morning to do a "follow up" only to have us wait an hour later than the appointment, skip us because my grandpa went to use the bathroom.... that is not the end of it! The Doctor sat down and said "You are doing a follow up from August of 2007?" I was not in a good mood. After I told him that he was to review the report from the sonogram that was done the day before he looks it up to find it missing. He turns to us and says "I cannot consult with you about the test as it is missing, you will have to schedule an appointment tomorrow." It seemed to me a brushoff because he never even attempted to call the cardiologist department to see if they can check their records just said "it is not here, you must come again." To make this story short - I filed a complaint, and asked that the information be sent to his primary care Doctor since the one we were talking to did not seem like he was interested in anything about my grandfather. He was willing to have us come again in two months to have the procedure done again and review the one done yesterday during that time. When we finally reached home I was so tired I took a nap. Later on my sister called me and said "they were cutting 50 kings at camp today." I felt so guilty because I was just too worn out to leave my son and granddaughter who I had not seen in four days to go down to camp and join the procession. I did try to do my assignments while at Anchorage but I could not concentrate. OH i so want to just close all the books and just go back to the simple life of having a job! In all honesty my stamina can't hold much more of this wide variety of unorganized life.

Five Generations

Not something one sees often, Marie Askoak is now the head of a family branch that spans five generations with her daughter Minnie Nick, myself, my daughter Maxine Vaska and her daughter Jordan Sklyer Duffy. We were preparing for our memorial feast for my departed grandfather Simeon whom we lost May 15, 1997. My grandfather Peter Nick on my fathers side will turn 90 God willing on the 4th of July, 2008.

A picture of my Grandchild

After a seemingly long wait and an unexpected C-Section we are proud to introduce my first grandchild Jordan Skyler Duffy. She joins the very large, very happy family of Duffy's and Vaska/Nick/Askoak family. Now that she is born I can hopefully salvage some of my grades for the spring semester.... Congratulations to my daughter Maxine and her boyfriend Stephan "Blacky" Duffy, grandparents Jim and Lovey Duffy, Great Grandparents Alex and Minnie Nick, John and Emma Vaska, mr and mrs Duffy, Great-GREAT- Grandparents Peter Nick and Marie Askoak....along with all their extended families...and welcome to the world baby Jordan - you have a lot of love around you and a lot of babysitters :D.

HELLO GRANDBABY!!!!

My daughter had a Mothers Day baby girl weighing 8 pounds 3 ounces, stretching 20 and a half inches long at 3:48 P.M. May 11th 2008. Mother and daughter doing fine, impatiently sitting at the hospital as the new mother recovers from an unexpected c-section. We were blessed though that we went to the hospital early enough that nothing was rushed. Turns out that the baby was wanting to come into the world feet first. She was breached. My grandmother told me to tell the baby "just like Grandma!" because turns out I was born feet first. It was a wonderful Mothers Day present. The other grandmother was there in the lobby, along with my parents, the father Stephan "Blacky" and his sister Nadia, their cousins Diane and Brian, my sister-in-law April, my niece Rachael and the new uncle Nicholas. Sadly we all did not have a camera between us. We are in the process of finding one. I will post pictures as soon as possible. Until then...

How much is too much???

These semesters at home have been pretty rough and my grades are reflecting it. I am becoming so discouraged because it seems that getting good grades are important only to me, and little by little I get asked to do "one little favor" after another that I cannot focus or my baby gets sick and I can't focus, or one of my grandparents get sick and I can't focus. How much is too much that it would be better to just say "Okay, come here let me do what I can and I will try again later when no one needs help." I am not going to, I have come too far to walk away now and I know I will be a good teacher someday...

I detest getting low grades, I really beat myself up mentally because I know if I had that focus I would have done great. It has come to the point where I cannot concentrate on anything. I am tired. I am worn out. I am sick to my stomach about a pitiful grade that I seen go downhill very early in the semester and knew I did not have the energy to get it up to my standard. Truthfully I am not depressed, just mad at myself for a while and needed to vent. I am not used to being a hermit and these audioconference and correspondence classes have caged me into my home practically. It must be a combination of a bad grade and cabin fever. That and the knowledge that my brothers have seen the geese and I am the only one who plucks the damn birds and gets them on the table for my grandfather. I like the product, just hate plucking :)).

Okay - enough venting. I do feel a lot better getting it out there. [Muuusssaaaa] [auummmm]

Here's to melting snow (I hope).
enjoy your summer
OOHHH yea - Congratulations to my sister Olga F. Evan on her graduation today! She is a health aide here in Russian Mission

Happy Easter!

As most of you know I am a Russian Orthodox Christian. This Sunday is our Easter and things are hectic to say the least because it is also the last Sunday before the finals. I have had to find ways to balance out a lot of things. At least now I don't have to hold the news of my eldest daughter's engagement any longer since she has had her boyfriend ask my dad yesterday. She is adopted by my parents but I still consider her my baby too. She is only 19 years old... I am happy that she has found a responsible partner, and I do like Pete, respect him... Just sad though that time really flew by: seems like just a few years ago she was a baby, and now she is planning on getting married in August. I have gotten so much gray hair sprouting this past week than I have had in a long long time. With my internship year possibly starting this August you can just imagine my emotions at this time! I must look so responsible to someone up there! I can just hear "C'mon Nus, I know you can handle this! Show me how you can juggle" Ohh well... bring out the gigantic calendar and a set of colored markers, an excel spreadsheet for budgeting, and a help wanted ad that accepts teenagers. Here is to the future Mr. and Mrs. Theodore Pete and Charitina Stephanoff!

Farewell Fairbanks

Today ends the intensive part of our ED 486. Tomorrow at 4 A.M. we begin our journey home, leaving at 6 and reaching home at 5:30 P.M. The class seemed quick and interesting. I really enjoyed it. It was good to be able to talk to all my classmates face to face and spend time with them. I am so looking forward to being back home again and seeing my baby...babies

life in the temp dorms

On April 10th a group of Ed students from rural Alaska were brought in to Fairbanks for an intensive class required for our degree. I must admit first that by the time the day was over I felt as though I was pushed through a ringer. Having no alarm clock is an experience I was not expecting, neither was the fact that we are herded together for breakfast and supper where someone goes to the register and says "I am paying for these guys here." You can imagine our feelings as someone who is much younger than most of us tries desperately not to show her embarrassment in this. I was a bit insulted at first, but I am telling myself that I will make the most of this opportunity. It is sad though when after all their reports to get the money they do to help us, using our numbers that we still get treated sometimes like we can't do for ourselves at the most unexpected places. All the more reason to get into those classrooms! One thing that sustains me and keeps my mouth from going and going is something my grandmother told me: "When someone hurts your feelings, leave them alone. God said 'it is not unto you that they do this but unto me.' If you do nothing then God will handle it and it will go back to them three-fold."

Getting the Jitters

During my interview things still felt a bit surreal, I could kind of see myself in a classroom. Some of the questions had me worrying about my memory capabilities but I blamed it on nerves - that was safer than the alternative in my mind since having a "WHOA THERE -WHAT??" moment right in the middle of answering a question from those who have my not-so-far future plans in their hands would not be good. After the interview things were worrisome with me nit-picking over my answers and what I should have said instead...then the weekend where the assignments were beginning to seem all the more closer to the actual planning within the classroom arena. I got to thinking about all the steps it will take to make sure I am ready for August. That got me knocking off days: Oh its only 29 days until Maxine is due..that gives me until May. It will take about a month to kinda settle into a routine with both babies that takes May, then there is fishing in June...then I made a mistake. I looked back. Hey..its April already. Not only that the first week of April is gone...How the he** did THAT happen??? Oh my GOD I am not going to be ready. I can do it but I will need major help. Okay, help...help...from who...big family. Oh yeah, right - I got a big family...a big family who depends on me to help not the other way around. lol...I think I need to put myself back in denial. Don't look up until after finals! The finals is the finish line for now... brush up for that and I will still be relatively calm by the time the grandbaby comes.

Its Raining! No..Snowing...blowing... agh! Its just yucky out there!

This is one day I am actually happy to be stuck at home! Typical Alaskan early spring weather with the wind going every-which-way-it-can throwing first big globs of snowy clumps onto the window pane then following that with splatters of rain. April 2nd and we still managed to get a good 6 inches of snow overnight. The students are doing the annual standardized tests and I am trying to organize my reading and writing to baby Nicholas' naps and feeding times. I believe by the time he is 4 months along, and if anyone can understand baby babble he would be complaining as much as his older sisters about how long and drawn out my reading assignments are. Since I have overused the "oh you're so handsome!" and "such a big boy!" that even I am tired of hearing myself use those terms, I have resorted to reading aloud my assignments to baby. Wouldn't it be a bummer if he ends up going to Preschool quoting Linguistics, differentiation and reader's workshop methods? Got to go - he woke up again... Here's to a 52 page chapter on Instructional Adaptations!

Baptism of Nicholas and Ruby Anastasia

After almost two years of waiting for approval my niece, now godchild Ruby Anastasia Angelina Evan was baptized along with Nicholas and three other children last Saturday. It was a long sad delay due to a stipulation of Bishop Nickoli that children would not be baptized unless their baptismal name matched the birth certificate. It is very upsetting to see the extent of turmoil within one's church. My niece was named after two of my elder relatives: Anastasia, for my father's aunt and Angelina for my mother's aunt both who were very close to their faith.
Academically things are better but not up to my standard. I still have half of the school year to go and only two weeks until I have to escort my daughter to wait in Bethel for her last month of pregnancy. I have ten hours (two classes at five hours remaining) and my son is still fighting his bad cold. We had to fly to Bethel on Tuesday to be seen at the hospital, came home and almost was sent back to Bethel today. On April 4th I will have an interview for my internship year...I am having doubts due mainly to the lack of support I am receiving in childcare. Have I come this far only to be snagged with family issues? If I am, would it have been better to just stayed as a Homeschool Coordinator? I look at all the other people with jobs they can leave at their workplace and just deal with family once home and look at my homework and reading assignments that I can't get to or get done due to personal issues... I want to be a teacher, I know I will be a good one - if only I could get the support I need to do the work. There is no childcare services here, all my relatives are unable to help, and we have another baby coming in 8 weeks. I can do a lot but I am only one person and I do have my limits.

When one's choices come back to kick from behind

Okay, for as long as I can remember I have given into doing what I can to help my family and in a sense my community even knowing doing so would enlarge my personal challenges. What can I say I am a sucker for the seemingly lamentful. Knowing this would be my last semester before my internship year I was beginning to be hopeful and optimistic - and relieved! Oh SO relieved! I must have looked too comfortable! Fastforward about a few months and you see me as I sit now: oh so worried that I may not be able to save my grades...I want to cry. I want to blame someone, but I know I cannot because I made the choices knowing full well that I would possibly not catch up with my classes. I am sad that I can't seem to find time to do assignments with a month old baby and two teenagers with terrible colds. I can at least say for certain that I do not have to worry about the store now that the manager is back along with the seasoned workers. Times like these I question what my "destiny" really is... I think for the most part it is my inner self crying for my grades because I tend to really need that satisfaction that I did a good job in what I accept to complete. It is just that when asked to see to the store while the manager brought her two boys for surgery I feel as though I sacrificed my grades in exchange. Sure the community had an open store from the 6th to the 19th, sure I am not going to complain that I got paid for it, sure there was no one else who was qualified...so why do I feel short-changed? Can someone in my situation really be supported enough to just take classes and do homework? If I say NO because I can give examples of calls to fix grampa's medication and sneaky remarks of someone else cleaning up his house instead of me - "while you were --??" and once or twice an uncle (kinda nutty one but...) mentioning about how long I have not been seen at church to sing in how long ---? Ohh the pressure...dismay...Where is that damn Calgon anyway???

Is there progress pushing the unmotivated?

This question hangs over teacher's all over, when students in the classroom persist on the "I Don't WANT to do that and you cannot make me" mantra. During one of my fieldwork assigned classes I had the opportunity to observe some of the kids I worked with about four years ago. Much to my dismay some had the same "I can't do this so I ain't tryin" attitude. Very disheartening and discouraging to see that time and years in the educational system did not diminish this attitude. Once home it nagged at me, but I brushed it off as maybe they had a bad day. Much to my disappointment all my other fieldwork experiences with this group has been the same. What happens to the students that do not get positive experiences in the school system? What can be done as educators? If there is no support from anyone else what can one do? What will I do once I become a teacher if I cannot influence a child to at least attempt to understand a lesson?

Baby slideshow

I have tried to upload a bunch of pictures but only these were successful: Enjoy baby's first bath. He enjoyed washing his hair, cried when on the towel washing his body, but stopped crying as soon as he sat in the basin. Such a cutie!!

I have a SON!!!!

MyHotComments
Nicholas Paul Vaska Born January 22, 2008

My granddaughter's sonogram

Here is a profile picture of my little granddaughter... I cannot wait for the day I hold her in my arms. God willing she will arrive May 7th, 2008. A little girl! My other baby is arriving soon...I don't know the gender of that one. If it is a boy his name will be Nicholas Paul Vaska, if she is a girl Kathleen....gosh...Kathleen (ahm no middle name yet) Vaska. I better look at the baby names online again... I am taking EDSE 422 with many of my former classmates (YAY!!!) It was so good to see your names online and hear everyone...hear you again tomorrow!

A glimpse of the city life again

Maxine and I are relaxing for a few minutes before returning to the Anchorage International Airport. The Doctor that reviewed the sonogram done in Bethel said he wanted another one done to make sure the baby had no signs of Down Syndrome since the first prenatal was past the 22 week deadline for the three-t test (I think that is what it is called) for birth defects. Worrisome week... the new sonogram we did was very thorough and the Doctor here says everything looks normal and healthy and my granddaughter seems to be doing just fine!! (Whew!)

I am almost done with the application for my internship year, and we are almost ready for the first baby to arrive which will be soon. Busy busy busy...but like everything else taken a day at a time things will work out.

It was so wonderful to see Theresa at ANMC yesterday and Margaret when we were coming home from a Bethel appointment last week! Always good to see great friends. I hope to see some of you again sometime soon... Until then take care and God Bless all! ~Nuss

Happy New Year!! I miss your notes!

Just wanted to say Happy New Year to you all. I miss your blogs. I am enjoying the break, or what is left of the break by working at the store helping with inventory, taxes and dividends... I need to leave some time for getting ready to welcome everyone to my home on possibly the 8th or 9th during our "Slavic." I hope everyone is doing OK. Hopefully on the 6th Maxine and I will actually make it to her first prenatal. Every day they scheduled a sono and first prenatal, the snow bucket in the sky gets a big kick and it all comes falling down like there is no tomorrow. God willing we will actually make it into a plane and down to Bethel. It so happens that on the 7th the star in Bethel will enter my parents home and we might actually get to spend some time with everyone there. I sure hope so! Until then, Take care and I sure miss you guys!